my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
