my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
