I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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