I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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