Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
