Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize