MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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