Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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