you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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