she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
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I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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