i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
