I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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