I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
