Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
sex in a hospital.. check
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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