yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
