I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
