You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
