i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
