i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
