i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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