In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
