OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
