I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
