I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
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Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
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I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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