ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
