GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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