I just pynch a tree in the face
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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