Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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