I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
