YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I feel like a drive thru vagina
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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