he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
