You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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