So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
