I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
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