bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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