Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
