Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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