My brain says no but my pants say off.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
