is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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