i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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