everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
