i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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