I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Randomize
