You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
