If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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