Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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