We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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