i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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