You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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