When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
