Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
This is classic penis vs brain.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
