Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
