I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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