I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
