I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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