just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
