YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
