'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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