sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
