party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
