Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
