At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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