luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
