ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
