I'm eating all of the evidence.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
