how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
