Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
