Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
