i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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