dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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