in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
