your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Randomize
