Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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