Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
