"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
