We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
