I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
