I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
