she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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