Moan for me like Helen Keller
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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